1 post tagged “insomnia”

It all starts with that one thought

I’m not going to get to sleep tonight

 From there it grows slowly but substantially with each passing moment

 I wonder what time it is. Its one a.m. If I fall asleep by one thirty, I can still get four or four and a half hours in. Okay, so that will be enough, I’ll just try to be asleep by one thirty. God I hope I can fall asleep. I don’t think I’m going to sleep tonight

 
You lay there quietly, doing everything right. Eyes closed, body relaxed.

 
Is the air conditioner on? Maybe if it were cooler, the heat could be what is keeping me up. God, I hope I fall asleep! I wonder how much time I have left until one thirty. I hate to open my eyes because that might make me more awake. But what if its like, 1:05 and I’m worrying over nothing. Then again, it could be two a.m. and then I’d have…three and a half to four hours of sleep time left. That isn’t that bad, I can get by on that I guess, long as I get at least that much. ~looks up to the clock~ Crap. Two a.m.. I’ve never really done much on three hours sleep. Okay, if I can just get to sleep by three, then I’d have two and a half to three hours of sleep. Maybe I could take a nap at some point. No, I have to be at school tomorrow first thing. I will be home between twelve fifteen and two though, I could take a nap then. Ugh, what if I slept too deeply though and slept right past time to watch for the bus? The driver won’t let him off unless he sees me out there to know I’m home. Okay, if I set my cell phone on an hour I could set the oven timer on an hour and a half as a backup and maybe call Mama, she could call me after an hour and a half too, just to make sure. Yeah, but every time I ask mama to do that she forgets. Wonder what time it is now. I hate to look, that might make me more awake. I’ll just lay here and try not to think for a while and then I’m sure I’ll fall asleep.

 
Oh god, did I forget something? I feel like I forgot something. What all have I got to do tomorrow, if I just go down the list and make sure I didn’t forget something then my mind will be at ease and I can sleep. I really should have taken a sleeping pill, that would have helped me and I would have been dead asleep by now. Tomorrow would have been so much better if I had just of taken a sleeping pill. Its too late now though, If I take one I’ll be groggy in the morning. Ugh, I could have at least taken half earlier. Tomorrow, I need to take a whole Unisom by Ten P.M. no matter what. I bet I’ll be sound asleep this time tomorrow. Okay, tomorrow, get up at five thirty, make coffee, do my makeup before the kids get up, who am I meeting at the school again? Oh yes, you know she might not need me the whole day but I have to be back there at eleven anyway so might as well stay….I wonder what time it is….maybe its not as close to three a.m. as if feels like…..I hate to look because that will get me woke up more.

~sighs~ I'm not going to sleep tonight...